After 3.5 years of being a licensed attorney, I have had two full-time lawyer jobs now. I am unimpressed with both firms. However, sometimes I think, is it me? Is something wrong with me?
What was wrong with my first firm? Severely negative management. Really bad contracts with clients. Repeatedly allowing clients not to pay and blaming it on association attorneys for no real reason. Too much to do, but at least there were effective tools to get help. Almost no raises despite high profit. Bad management in that management lacked real leadership, but at least it was somewhat organized. Fortunately, there were some non-management senior attorneys that helped a lot of associates stay afloat.
I was so incredibly happy when I left my first firm. I remember just feeling so incredibly happy. Now, that feeling is going away, and it make me really disappointed. I’m worried about whether I will ever be able to be happy at my job. I really want to be. I have started applying for new job and really hope to find a job that will at least have me feeling less disappointed. I’m so tired of this rat race that I don’t even want to aim for “happy” anymore. I think I would just be okay learning how to cope with just not being so disappointed in my job. That would be great.
My second firm started off great. Number one, I get paid a bunch more. Number two, management is not so severely negative. Number three, nope, those are the best positives, no number three. Now, I’m running into so many negatives, that I’m losing that feeling of happiness that I had when I started. That feeling comes back around quite frequently still, but I can feel it slipping away as each day brings new disappointments.
What is wrong with my current firm? Severely disorganized file management. Efforts to get organized are not supported by senior professional staff – how are we supposed to get more organized if senior staff does not support the use of new tools?? Everybody is overloaded with tasks. Management allows overload to continue and continuously accepts “f#ck ups” due to workers being too busy. Failure to timely pay contract employees. Failure to constructively criticize below par workers. Favoritism due to personal connections. No clear hierarchy of legal staff – vague blurry lines but no real hierarchy – this leads to vagaries in whom is in charge of what and whom (I guess this goes back to disorganization). This leads to the problem of failure to constructively criticize – i.e., am I allowed to critique an employee that I am not “in charge” of? Who am I in charge of? Another problem is that I awkwardly know about cash flow issues and was victim of getting paid late, so it is really awkward now to even consider asking for a raise even though of course I deserve one. I would really like to find new employment before asking for a raise becomes glaringly necessary. I mean, who doesn’t ask for a raise at some point – it would be weird if I didn’t at least eventually ask.
The saving grace of my current job is money. I get paid at least 30% more than I used to get paid, and I don’t have to work as many hours to get what I get paid now – it’s about a 10 hour/week decrease. The other saving grace is that it got me out of my awful prior job and got me away from severely negative management. Instead, however, I get to work for severely disorganized management, which leads to so many problems and stress.
After writing the above, I have found that I should still feel very, very happy about having my second job. Less negativity in my work place with more money and less hours. Who am I to complain? Happiness is coming back.
I think I’m just really grumpy about my second job today because we have an incompetent paralegal who was recently promoted over a much more competent and level-headed paralegal. I believe this decision was based on favoritism because the promoter has a past personal relationship with the incompetent paralegal. I guess such favoritism should not irk me that much because the only reason I have this job is through a past personal relationship as well. However, I wouldn’t expect a promotion unless I was actually qualified. I’m just disappointed because the incompetent paralegal should be re-trained in work habits and basic administrative skills, while the other paralegal should be promoted. I’m sad for the competent paralegal and angry for her. It is difficult for me to keep my anger to myself as I have found it more and more difficult to tolerate the lack of skills I see in the incompetent paralegal everyday. I have tried so hard to be nice, and lately, the incompetent paralegal has noticed that I have been short with her. I think it really started to get to me when I brought my concerns to the promoter’s attention, and I know another attorney brought concerns to the promoters attention, but the reaction was for the incompetent paralegal to get a promotion. WHY??? Because of the past personal relationship – that is the only possible answer in my opinion and it enrages me on behalf of the more qualified paralegal. I suppose I just need to get over it and embrace the happiness that this job brings me personally. I cannot quite do that though because I care about the competent paralegal and want her to be recognized. I guess it’s not my choice. Perhaps I should just start my own firm if I am to be so critical.
I think my satisfaction with my first two lawyer jobs has to do with my personality for sure and not just the firms themselves. I had high expectations as to what my law degree could help me achieve. They’re lower now and I’m less disappointed. At the same time, I know – well, it just HAS TO BE the case – that there are offices out there that would make me oh so happy to be a lawyer everyday. I know they exist. I know lawyers who appear a lot happier than I feel. They don’t have complaints like I do. But then again, maybe they’re more cut out for this world than I am. Maybe I should have been a music teacher instead. I’d have lower income, but less debt. I might get bored, but I’d be pretty happy I think. I don’t know. Sometimes, I’m reminded that I picked the right career path, such as when I accomplish something cool or I write a motion no one else in the office could have written or when I see volunteer legal work put to good use. At other times, I wonder if my big risk (law school loans) was worth it. I still think my time is coming – the time I realize I did pick the right path. Until then, I shall wonder and hope that part of the reason this path was right is because of the activist work it has exposed me to. Too bad I can’t spend 60 hours a week just doing activist work though…even if I could spend 20 hours a week doing that type of work, I’d be so thrilled. I suppose I should just jump ship (quit my job and go solo) and do it. That would be a scary maze though…would I find enough cheese?
-Ratmazing
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Ratmazing 